there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
