i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
