Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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