she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
