my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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