My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
