Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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