Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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