I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
