I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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