What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
