i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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