i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
