now i know why i became what i already was.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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