i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
