So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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