Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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