he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
