Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
