The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
