I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
