i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
