You can't motorboat a personality
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
