Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
