Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
zippers are such a cool invention
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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