there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
