I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
