I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
