alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
