Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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