apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
