cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
