i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
