you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude i'm inner monologue high
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
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