you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
