The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
