I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you inspire me to be a worse person
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
