Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
