so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
