i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
