By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
