Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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