he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
