And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
