I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
