lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
