Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
