There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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