the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize