so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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