just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
