saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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