I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
