is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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