he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
