Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How does one acquire holy water?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
