I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize