even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
