I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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