It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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