There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dignity is for republicans.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
