she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
