capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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