making cat noises will not fix the situation.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
