i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
