You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
false alarm. still invincible.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The Olympian is in my bed
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