ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
