just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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