Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
