i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
