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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...

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• (310): View more from California

  I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious

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• (210): View more from Texas

  i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.

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• (626): View more from California

  I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour

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• (470): View more from Georgia

  you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.

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