I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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