No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
